By Gloria Austin
Staff Writer
HOULTON – “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” is among one of the most popular books for mothers to be. But when you are young, alone and pregnant, where can you turn? A haven for those in need is Stepping Stones on High Street in Houlton.
“We are a residential program serving children and mothers who require parenting education and support to safely and effectively parent their children,” said Mindy Knight, LMSW-CC, clinical supervisor of Stepping Stones.
The average age of mothers who are in the program is 16-25, with the average age of children residents being newborn to age 4.
“The women in our program are fully immersed in their role as mothers,” explained Knight. “Staff assumes the role of coach, cheerleader, role model, adviser and so many other things.”
Attitudes of women within the program vary, said Knight.
“At times, we see women fully embrace the information and education they receive to fully incorporate that into their lives, while others are unable to internalize the program,” she said. “We have found the women who open themselves up and make positive connections with staff and other providers are the most successful overall. Relationships are crucial to working with these young women.”
One young mother, Angelina Calcia, was excited and couldn’t wait for the birth of her baby.
“I was so happy to be a mom,” she said. “My life changed after my baby was born.”
However, Christina Beaulieu, Amanda Hobbs and Amanda Jackson were all dealing with mixed emotions throughout their pregnancy.
“During my pregnancy, I was scared and really emotional, but still excited,” Beaulieu recalled. “But, with all the horror stories going around, I was also confused about what could or would happen to me and my baby.”
Jackson said, “I was happy, but sad too. I was worried because I didn’t know what my situation was going to be.”
And, Hobbs’ emotions fell right in line with any other expecting mother.
“I was sacred, nervous, anxious and happy,” she said.
However, Crystal O’Bar said she was shocked and very upset.
“I couldn’t believe I was pregnant for the third time in just three years,” she explained.
After looking at their children, the girls’ outlooks were transformed.
“I had a different view of things,” Beaulieu explained. “I had this unconditional love for this little human being.”
“I was happy. I thought he looked so funny. He looked like a little mouse,” Jackson related.
Hobbs said she opened herself up to the fact she was a mother and “took to it like riding a bike.”
“It’s an unexplainable love that got me the most,” she said.
Still being very unhappy about her pregnancy, after her son was born, O’Bar’s heart melted.
“I wasn’t expecting any more children after my second daughter,” she said. “But, our children are extensions of us and they need you to the very extent of yourself to be protected by life and limb.”
The young mothers learn within the Stepping Stones program that there is so much more to being a mother than just changing diapers, giving baths and playing with their children.
“Mothers learn the importance of nurturing their children through consistency, stability, clear and fair expectations, healthy role expectations and safety,” explained Knight.”
“The most unexpected part of first-time motherhood was the long nights of no sleep or very little sleep,” said Beaulieu. “All the visitors that were coming around to see me and the new baby was hard because when he was sleeping they always seemed to arrive and wanted to hold him.”
But, looking at this tiny baby, hopes, dreams and even fears are harbored deep within a mother’s heart. A bond that ties a mother to a child is unbreakable and steadfast.
“I’ve learned that taking time and spending it with your child is important,” said Calcia. “I hope to pass on to my daughter to be loving and understanding. It’s so rewarding to just watch my daughter exploring the world around her and learning new things.”
Jackson added, “It’s about being there just to watch them smile.”
“For him to acknowledge with his own children that the choices he makes will affect every aspect of his baby’s life,” O’Bar chipped in.
Beaulieu said she learned children don’t come with owner’s manuals.
“It takes a strong, loving person to raise a child, while doing different daily tasks,” she said. “I have also discovered a mother’s love is the strongest love of all things and I am proud to have that kind of love.”
However, motherhood also carries heavy responsibilities.
“It’s being in his life and knowing that everything he learns, he learns from me,” Jackson said.
Hobbs also realizes the magnitude of raising another human being.
“I want to keep my child safe,” she said. “I want him to be strong willed, independent and loving. My son needs a lot of attention. Knowing he looks up to me for everything, I’m glad I can be there. But, even though there are rough days … tantrums, colds, cutting teeth … at the end of the day, it’s worth all the mayhem because you can’t wish for anything better then your child safe in your arms sleeping awaiting what tomorrow brings.”
Knight said the young women are implementing an important piece of motherhood — relationships with their children.
“It’s an ongoing relationship,” Beaulieu said. “The bond between a mother and child is an ongoing love, trust and role modeling. I hope to pass on the ability to make friends, be respectful of those around him and to set goals. I hope he can achieve a career that I could not have. I hope one day he raises his own family and is a great daddy to his kids and a loving husband. There’s nothing more rewarding than teaching your child and having them learn from you.”
O’Bar added, “It’s no longer all about you.”
Many times young people live in the moment, and sometimes the consequences are great.
“I want my child to learn that real love waits, no matter what,” said Jackson.
