HOULTON, Maine — For Mary, the pseudonym of a decade-long victim of horrific domestic and sexual abuse, every waking minute of her relationship with her abuser was spent either enduring or covering up acts of violence.
As the young mother told her story to about 35 people at the 19th annual Maliseet Domestic and Sexual Violence and Advocacy Center Candlelight Vigil on Wednesday evening, she said how quickly her relationship with her partner went from stable to violent.
“At first, he made me feel special and loved, and he told me what I wanted to hear,” she told the crowd. “He only drank a little initially, but that changed after we moved into a rented home together. After that, he drank more heavily. Then, he began punching me and screamed into my face.”
Although Mary said her partner was initially excited when she became pregnant in 2008, his attitude quickly soured, and he began arguing with her more often. After seeing bruises on her body, her family contacted police. She told the crowd that her partner had so much control over her that she continued seeing him despite losing custody of her children temporarily. He also began choking her and sexually abusing her, sometimes for “hours at a time,” she said.
“He told me that, ‘You can’t rape your wife,’” she said.
Finally, with the support of her family and the Maliseet Domestic and Sexual Violence Advocacy Center, she left her partner earlier this year.
Brenda Commander, the chief of the Houlton Band of Maliseet Indians, said such stories are not uncommon. During the vigil, she credited staff members of the Maliseet Domestic and Sexual Violence Advocacy Center for the work they do for tribal members.
“Together, we must provide a safer place – especially for our children,” she said Wednesday evening. “Break the cycle.”
The vigil, held in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, included a candle lighting ceremony and walk to honor victims and survivors.
Commander noted that earlier that day U.S. Sens. Susan Collins and Angus King had announced that the Houlton Band of Maliseet Indians would receive $899,732 over three years from the Office on Violence Against Women at the U.S. Department of Justice. The project’s primary objective is to ensure that victims of domestic violence and sexual assault receive appropriate, culturally specific and easily accessible confidential responses. The comprehensive victim services include advocacy, emergency shelter, transitional housing assistance, legal assistance, support group, a 24-hour crisis line, referrals, education, outreach and hospital accompaniment.
The project also will provide for education and a coordinated community response.
Commander added that “everyone knows someone who has been a victim of domestic or sexual violence.”
Commander urged attendees to join domestic violence center advocates in their quest to build a safer community and stand up for victims of abuse.
“We must ensure that no victim ever suffers alone,” Commander said. “When one of our tribal members suffers, we all suffer. We all know someone who has suffered. The Maliseet Domestic and Sexual Violence Advocacy Center has so many resources to assist someone who has endured abuse.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence and would like to talk with an advocate, call 866-834-4357, TRS 800-787-3224. This free, confidential service is available 24/7 and is accessible from anywhere in Maine.
