CARIBOU, Maine — Some participants in a gathering here Thursday revealed intense, personal accounts of their experiences with addiction: from the genetic and psychological factors that lead them to abuse drugs or alcohol, to the transformative impact recovery programs had on their lives.
The May 11 “town hall on addiction, recovery, and prevention,” coordinated by the Aroostook Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition and Cary Medical Center, focused on a number of addiction and recovery issues.
The event at the Caribou Performing Arts Center began with first-hand accounts from former addicts and family members who addressed the audience from the stage.
While the stories of Bill and Eric, who only gave their first names, were different, similar factors led them to abuse substances and both expressed feeling relieved upon making the decision to seek outside help.
“We don’t always understand what started our addiction,” Bill said, “but it seems that I keep hearing one thing in recovery: we all had emptiness inside and we all hated ourselves for one reason or another. All we wanted was to make those feelings go away, so at one point we picked up a mind altering substance and happiness was our life for a short period of time.”
At first, Bill didn’t like the taste of alcohol, saying he would just hold a beer at parties, occasionally emptying small amounts in the sink, for social acceptance.
“Eventually, I not only liked and enjoyed drinking, but needed it,” said Bill, adding that until that point, he’d always sworn never to become like the alcoholics from his childhood.
Eric also described his initial steps to addiction as an effort to be liked.
“I had a lot of friends in high school and worked really hard to get those friends,” Eric said. “I worked so hard because I didn’t like who I was, so I made an effort to get social acceptance, something I wanted more than anything in the world.”
Eric admitted to manipulating friends and loved ones to avoid trouble and stay friendly.
“I didn’t work, didn’t like who I was,” Eric said, “so at age 20 I picked up a drug regularly because it worked, and it made me feel good. All the shame I’d ever felt went away. I felt free from myself. I have this mind as an addict that races all the time, making me think I’m not good enough, I’m never going to make it, and that I’ll never live up to everyone’s expectations.”
When the first drug stopped working, Eric said he moved to a new drug, and continued this pattern for over ten years moving to harder and harder substances. It wasn’t until he received a letter from his mother in jail that he truly made the choice to recover.
“Her letter talked about the potential I had, that I was good person, and that she still believed in me,” Eric said after apologizing to the audience for getting emotional. “After all the things I’d done, stealing from her purse, getting caught, and not calling her, she told me she still loved me, and that was a huge moment for me. It’s the first time I got on my knees and asked for help.”
After deleting scores of numbers for drug dealers from his phone, Eric said his first support group meeting in Portland five years ago was life altering.
“It was the first time I’d ever felt welcome somewhere,” said Eric, adding that members of the support group accepted him for who he was, had a cheerful disposition, and offered plenty of hugs.
Bill admitted he was taken off guard by the positive demeanor, and hugs, during his first trip to a support group after making the decision to get sober late last year.
Bill, who did not disclose his last name, delivered a poignant speech about common paths to addiction as well as the road to recovery during a town hall on addiction, recovery, and prevention hosted by Cary Medical Center and the Aroostook Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition at the Caribou Performing Arts Center on May 11. (Christopher Bouchard)
“When I came to the realization that I needed to be there, it all poured out of me,” Bill said. “I cried. I shared. I got hugs. I had people tell me all you have to do is just keep coming back. I was so confused because there were so many things I heard during that hour I was there. I thought, why are these people so happy? Why are they laughing?”
After a few months of meetings, Bill said he was finally able to understand what it means to “laugh and share” like his peers at the meetings.
“Anybody can slip, but the life I’ve learned to live in recovery is one I’d never want to give up. Someone is going to have to fight me hard to take this away,” Bill said.
Following the first-hand accounts, the audience watched “The Anonymous People,” a documentary about addiction directed by Greg Williams. The remainder of Thursday night’s awareness event involved a talk by Ross Hicks, the harm reduction coordinator from the Health Equity Alliance, followed by an open forum with Hicks; Deb Gray, the CEO of Life By Design; and Peter McCorison, director of behavioral health services with the Aroostook Mental Health Center.
Bill Flagg, director of public relations for Cary Medical Center, delivered closing remarks and all who attended were given pamphlets containing information and contacts for emergency assistance, counseling services, and support group meetings in the area. A directory of resources also is available by visiting online www.powerofprevention.org and clicking on Resources.
Moving forward, Cary and the Aroostook Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition will hold two follow-up meetings, with both occurring on Wednesday May 17, at 6:30 p.m. at Cary Medical Center. A meeting centered on treatment and recovery will be held in the Caribou Room of the Chan Center while a simultaneous meeting on preventing addictions will take place in the County Room of the Chan Center.
Anyone interested in learning more about how to assist in community efforts to treat and prevent addictions, or who is currently struggling with substance abuse, is urged to contact the Aroostook Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition at 498-9952.
