News writing is a challenge. Each day a stack of mail, phone messages, and personal observations stand tall in the in basket. Assignment editors plow through this mass making phone calls, assigning items to follow up, postpone and dispose of. Dante’s “Inferno” creates a great parallel for the task.
There is one group of story ideas, though, which excites the mind and writing on the subject brings laughter to mind. This was the situation earlier this month when word of the missing Sour Toe surfaced.
The Sour Toe Cocktail is a beverage made from an alcohol and a salted, dried, pickled human toe and served in the Dawson Creek hotel in the far Yukon. The toe is placed in a beverage and the beverage is then consumed until the toe touches the lips of the imbiber. Brave is the fool who partakes. 80,000 plus people have done this and received certificates to that effect since 1973. This from the Canadian Broadcasting Company.
The issue was that one person had ordered the drink and in the presence of witnesses consumed the liquid and absconded with the toe. Scandal — how low can one go to steal a toe? Royal Canadian Mounted Police and a nationwide alert issued for the desperado with eleven toes. With that the imaginations of hundreds of news writers in the Americas were inspired. A Google search will bring up many of the more lurid headlines. The story remained high in the list of most tabloid chroniclers of news. Juicy humor that would not give aunt Mildred or the church deacons a fainting spell. Not bad for a pickled human toe.
Alcohol and stupid tricks go together. But it was the number of people who partook of this beverage and certification that started churning away. Then a brief story on the “Bill Green’s Maine” program inspired a new thought. In that program an entomologist who studies the issue was demonstrating how to incorporate bugs into cuisine. In the cooking demonstration a small collection of black flies was introduced as an ingredient. Black flies be small and potent protein possibilities. The gist of the story from Bill Green: Insects could provide a protein source to help feed the world.
Everyone who is anyone in Aroostook County, Maine has at one time or another inhaled or chomped down on black flies. No harm done and many a great story for the winter season. We are a tough bunch of dirt farmers. Now for a slightly brilliant idea. A single sour toe has brought at least 80,000 people to the Dawson Creek Hotel in faraway Yukon. Using some wit and thought, this means that since Yukon began serving this signature beverage at least 160,000 people have traveled to the land of Jack London fame. One of them stole a toe and off to market went he saying, “ Oui! Oui! Oui!”
Hours and words of interest followed as the Mounties sought the toe. A few days passed and then it was reported that the thief had sent the toe back with letter of apology. The Mounties said that all parties were satisfied and thus they would be closing the case. The stolen toe is now back with its buddies in the Yukon. Drinking tourists can now add to their certifiable enthusiasm and they will do it in the Yukon. Beginning with a gnarled toe add alcohol and certify the result yields one recipe worth millions.
Fools and their money are soon parted. With that in mind, Aroostook County coffers stand ready to receive the lucre such a brazen challenge. Bring on the bug juice and serve it over hand cut ice from the Prestile Stream. Witnessed and certified at the local courthouse with appropriate fees assessed the County would have a new revenue stream. There would be the notoriety and Aroostook’s finest could pursue all villains who steal our black flies now that they are a valuable commodity. The DNA testing alone to prove that they grew up in the County would generate thousands.
As we gather to celebrate our nation’s birth, let us celebrate a victory however small over the simple black fly. The name for this new beverage is yet to be given, but there be the start of the first revenue wave. Five bucks to name the concoction with the winning name selected next American birthday. Happy Birthday to the Great U.S.A.
Orpheus Allison is a photojournalist living in The County who graduated from UMPI and earned a master of liberal arts degree from the University of North Carolina. He began his journalism career at WAGM television later working in many different areas of the US. After 20 years of television he changed careers and taught in China and Korea.
