What to do about smut in the Star City?
One of the issues confronting the largest community in the County is how to grow recognition and increase revenue without raising taxes. The raising of taxes is the bass note at the church supper, capable of clearing a room in less than 30 seconds.
The city manager and city council find all sorts of other things to do when it comes to passing and implementing a tax.
Road apples (horse droppings) seem to have upset the sensibilities of the squeamish. However, with a bit of effort, the Star City could monetize the problem and turn it into a golden opportunity.
People may have heard of an FFA fundraiser called Cow Plop Bingo. A field is marked off in squares and chances are sold for predicting in which square the next cow plop will be deposited. Usually a young calf is put in and time is allowed to pass. As the cow’s four stomachs and yards of intestine process the grass the cow walks freely over the field. Nature calls and a cow plop, or cow patty, happens. If the plop falls on a line there may be a judgment call as to which square has received a majority.
Once a winning spot is determined, the person who selected that square gets a prize, and someone takes pictures of the chomping bovine, proud owner and proud winner. One of these pictures is usually in the paper and on the local news. It is an easy $500 for the FFA or similar group. It is money.
Money coming in makes city councilors grin. Imagine making money off smut. Variations include chickens, ducks, geese, and pigs. Smut pays.
If Presque Isle were to mark off the city streets, it could be on a bonanza of bounty. It already has all the tools necessary. There are horses. Horses have needs after eating their hay and grain. The material from a healthy, organic, vegetarian diet is viewed as non-hazardous by the State Department of Environmental Protection. This means the smut is safe. Horses produce large quantities according to the upset mothers of children who step in the poo and bring it home. The physical size of Presque Isle is estimated at about 75 square miles. There are 126 miles of maintained roads.
The University of Maine at Presque Isle already has programs devoted to mapping city infrastructures. Students could easily mark up the city streets. Chances could be sold at local businesses and a day picked. City works crews would be assigned to scout out locations where horse pucks are deposited. With the help of the PIPD and Fire Department, winning sites in the City would be photographed, prizes awarded and publicity produced.
Imagine the big grins on the faces of councilors who do not have to pass a tax increase. Gone would be the sour faces of tight bowels from freezing at the sound of the word “tax.” Businesses could be encouraged to sweeten the prize pie. International attention and positive news could result. The key message would be that these road apples are indeed golden.
And cleanup is easy. Get a shovel, scoop it up and compost it. Call it Lucky Smut. Bag the compost and sell at $10 a sack. The Garden club will shriek with joy. This might become a permanent money stream for the library. School farm visitors could watch as tcomposting renders smut into organic plant food. Productive horses could be identified and offspring sold to other cities wanting to jump on the smut bingo bandwagon. The end result is dollars. Money invested out yields money coming in.
Orpheus Allison is a photojournalist living in The County who graduated from UMPI and earned a master of liberal arts degree from the University of North Carolina. He began his journalism career at WAGM television later working in many different areas of the US. After 20 years of television he changed careers and taught in China and Korea.
