Having made it through the vagaries of the post-holiday season, heavy winds, snow dumps, and cold so bad that the snowflakes want to come indoors, it is now the season of cabin fever.
This season, marked by an irrational itch in the middle of the back and a sense that life is dull, drab and weary, comes as the days are getting longer and impending spring is just around the corner.
Mosquitoes begin to come out of their hiding places, scaring residents and inspiring tales of smash and crash activities. These may also be the early tendrils of car catastrophes brought about by high snow banks and hidden ice. Those beautiful white snowbanks begin to take on a darker hue as grit and tires begin to add to the mess. Unable to go outside without summoning 10 sherpas and an expeditionary force not seen since MacArthur returned to the Philippines, we find cabin fever is here. This means boredom.
Our universe is a small place at this time of the year. It has entered an entropic state where nothing changes. Parents become very familiar this season. Told to go outside, most kids, pets and husbands instead hide under the coverlets and quilts, resolving not to stir even if the end of the world comes.
There are lots of activities, things to be done for necessity and pleasure. But there are only so many times one can traipse through Walmart in search of one more unique piece of junk to increase the clutter of the house. The usual restaurants are either open, closed, or open with the collection of bumpkins, buffoons and bumblers that provide the story lines for legends. Eating and shopping yield no relief. Boredom has set in, and it is contagious.
In times past, those afflicted would be locked in the outhouse for hours with a collection of flower catalogs and Sears circulars. The only sign that the fever would break was the whispered phrase, “I wonder what would happen if…”
What would happen if you hooked a flame thrower into a Cadillac El Dorado that you had mounted with a large sludge bucket?
What would happen if you crossed your best overalls with Aunt Maggie’s Sunday bloomers?
How about the robotic roof scraper made from recycled beer bottles and a Cummings 454 engine on a Ford frame?
Or, what would happen if you mixed Darcy’s Dark coffee with Uncle Bert’s mustard poultice that he wears whenever he thinks he has a cold — the one that makes a skunk blush?
Spring can’t come soon enough.
Orpheus Allison is a photojournalist living in The County who graduated from UMPI and earned a master of liberal arts degree from the University of North Carolina. He began his journalism career at WAGM television later working in many different areas of the US. After 20 years of television he changed careers and taught in China and Korea.
