All ages encouraged to observe
Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month
To the editor:
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, a time set aside each year to remind us that abuse and violence are not just problems faced by adults.
The Hope and Justice Project is available for anyone affected by dating, domestic or sexual violence. The staggering numbers of people that stay in our shelters, call our hotline, obtain protection from abuse orders, attend support groups and request individual advocacy by phone or face to face continue to be sobering: over 1000 individuals from Aroostook in 2013.
One in three adolescents nationwide will fall prey to physical, emotional or sexual abuse from their dating partner. Sadly, 80 percent of the girls who have been physically abused by their intimate partner remain in the relationship longer than we wish they would, sometimes well into adulthood. Two thirds of teens involved in an unhealthy relationship never tell anyone. It is alarming that people too often choose to look the other way, rather than involve themselves. Friends, family, coaches, teachers, and all trusted adults in young people’s lives can make a big difference by helping them recognize abusive behavior – in themselves and others.
For the past several years Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month has inspired students throughout Aroostook County to take a stand against unhealthy dating behavior and raise awareness in their schools. This year will be no different. Students plan to join in this crusade by signing pledges, doing daily announcements, decorating the halls with stats, facts and helpful hints. It is also a wonderful opportunity for HJP prevention educators to use their unique ability to make a difference.
Presentations on dating abuse may help slow this silent epidemic. As one teacher at Houlton High School has already observed the speaker’s “approachable style allowed the students to identify warning signs and characteristics of unhealthy relationships. I am confident that the students will be able to immediately apply this awareness to help ensure healthy relationships in their lives.” The students in Beth Hunt’s class also created a “Teen Power & Control Wheel” that hangs on the wall, reminding them of what dating abuse is.
It can be tricky to identify the warning signs of abuse, especially if one is inexperienced with dating and overcome with strong feelings of attraction for the first time. This confusion can make young daters unable to see abusive behavior clearly. Their dating partner’s behavior may appear to be wrong, but they may believe they are to blame for some reason, that it is something they said or did to cause the problem, and will often compromise to avoid confrontation or the possibility of “looking stupid.”
When HJP educators visit a classroom the discussions stem around the most current material, helping students to validate their feelings and recognize their boyfriend or girlfriends actions as abusive. It is always difficult to make a break from something that has given someone so much happiness at first. One may risk losing friends or being blamed for “getting their partner in trouble”. It can also lead someone to engage in risky behavior, harming their chance to do what they wish with their lives and separating them from those who truly love them. That is why it is essential for all of us to reach out to those we feel may be victims of abuse, even if it is just to let them know we are aware and we care.
Hope and Justice Project released their “Parents, kids and dating abuse” brochure early last year. It was carefully designed with one goal in mind, to recognize it, reject it and respond to it, including a safety plan. The brochures can be found in area school guidance departments, local agencies and at each Hope and Justice Project office. Our hotline 1-800-439-2323 can be a terrific resource for those who may be confused about their current relationship and merely want to chat with an advocate confidentially. These tools are available and comfortable to use in the capacity you choose.
On a personal note, I have been doing prevention work in area schools for the past 10 years and observe that while dating abuse is still lurking around our communities, I definitely believe people are talking about it more than ever. Teen Dating Awareness Month shines a light on an important issue, encouraging all of us to do what we can to help change the attitudes that cause abusive behavior.
Leslie Gervais
Hope and Justice Project
