Now that Winter is showing its age, Spring is getting ready to burst on the scene. Under all those inches of snow, frost, and ice lie acres of spring stuff. There will be flowers and new buds on the trees. Proud parents of new babies will begin to trot them out in the strollers and carriers to choruses of oohs and ahhs. Followed with pronouncements on who looks like their father, mother, and great aunt Millicent who nobody can remember.
Already the seed boxes at Lowe’s and Walmart are bursting at the seams. Lines are forming around the potting soils, tool racks, and other implements of chaos. Contractors are now putting clients on hold for the inevitable reconstruction projects that have been waiting all winter. Squirrels take note, now is the time to start hunting for new houses. Your attic rental is about to be closed off.
With Spring coming to The County we are about to see the birth of a notorious weed. This weed causes the highway department to order Bismol by the ton and ear plugs. The first to calm their stomachs and the plugs to save the ears. While most of us were hibernating under six cats, two dogs, and every comforter in the house, the ground, snow and ice were canoodling. That’s right, right in front of our eyes, under cover of snow the elements of nature were engaging in that time honored tradition: Canoodling. Parents may have to explain this term.
The first sign of this activity is the posting of red and orange signs on roads warning about weight issues. It is true that many of the drivers on these roads could use the same advice: Lose the weight! No heavy trucks until Summer! Days after the flagging and gone are the trucks and mechanical beasties that survive on wood. These are replaced by flags, barricades, and stuffing. Hello pothole season!
This noxious weed drives town managers crazy and makes body shops smile. It looks like we may have a good crop of the holes this year. Contrary to popular belief potholes are not there for the purpose of storing pot. If you need a hole to store your pot your local police department can provide a listing of secure facilities. They welcome your deposits and will give you a receipt.
Potholes are found at intersections that have a lot of turnovers. They can be found around cracks in the road. And they usually are found when least expected. Tire companies also enjoy the crop and have stocked up on extra tires just for such an blessed event. Their managers will speak proudly of the blowout in their income.
The fact that potholes are being birthed at an exhaustive rate means that there is a protocol to follow for recording the birth and death of these weeds. First, everyone has a pothole. Because of this it is preferable that rather than screaming at the top of one’s lungs about the discovery one takes the time to alert proper authorities. Let the highway department know.
Pothole births are defined by the legislature as “Road Defects.” This is to distinguish them from their cousins washouts and paving failures. Once the highway department has been notified about the location, depth and size of the hole recorded, then ascertain if this impedes traffic on the road. If the pothole has swallowed your car it is advisable that you call the police department so that they can come out, take pictures, and give a certificate to the proud parents. Also, they can attempt to find your car, truck, or mother-in-law if they have fallen into the hungry infant. It is not a time to run screaming through the streets yelling about monsters coming alive. That will earn you a couple of nights in deluxe accommodations with room service.
Proper measures taken, the highway department will attempt to fill the hole. This takes time due to the numerous births happening at the same time. Midwives and obstetricians know the pressure.
While waiting for the patching crew to appear, take the time to name and memorialize the hole. There will be some real beauts and you can be the envy of other family members when you show off your baby pothole pictures. If it will be a couple of months before the overworked, stressed out highway department can come and fill in the cavity consider a makeover for the hole. Rather than leaving it black and normal, outline it with paint. This will help other drivers to appreciate the good qualities. Snap a selfie with your favorite hole. Put up a flag or sign to accessorize.
Nothing but positive thoughts come from celebrating a new birth. The weeds love the attention.
Orpheus Allison is a photojournalist living in The County who graduated from UMPI and earned a master of liberal arts degree from the University of North Carolina. He began his journalism career at WAGM television later working in many different areas of the US. After 20 years of television he changed careers and taught in China and Korea.
