To the editor:
At the Maine annual nursing home conference last fall, guest speaker Karl Pillemer, Ph.D. (a gerontologist) discussed his latest book “30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans” that was the compilation of five years of interviewing thousands of senior citizens about their
advice about living for younger adults. I bought the book and just finished reading it and compiled the 30 lessons discussed in the book (below). There’s a lot of wisdom represented in the list and I thought I’d share it with the public.
The following lessons are the results of interviewing thousands of elderly people, 70 to 110 years old, of what lessons do they have to pass on to younger people.
About a mate:
1. Marry someone a lot like you.
2. Friendship is as important as romantic love.
3. Don’t keep score.
4. Talk to each other.
5. Don’t just commit to your partner — commit to marriage itself.
About work:
1. Choose a reward for the intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones (do work you enjoy!).
2. Don’t give up on looking for a job that makes you happy.
3. Make the most of a bad job.
4. Emotional intelligence trumps every other kind.
5. Everyone needs autonomy.
About parenting:
1. It’s all about time (with your kids).
2. It’s normal to have favorites but never show it.
3. Don’t hit your kids.
4. Avoid a rift (with them) at all costs.
5. Take a lifelong view of relationships with children.
About aging:
1. Being old is much better than you think.
2. Act now like you will need your body for a hundred years (be healthy).
3. Don’t worry about dying — the experts (old people) don’t.
4. Stay connected.
5. Plan ahead where you will live (and your parents too).
About life in general:
1. Always be honest.
2. Say ‘yes’ to opportunities.
3. Travel more.
4. Choose a mate with extreme care.
5. Say it now (express positive thoughts immediately).
Choose happiness:
1. Time is of the essence.
2. Happiness is a choice, not a condition.
3. Time spent worrying is time wasted.
4. Think small (enjoy small daily pleasures).
5. Have faith (religion).
Have a happy new year!
Phil Cyr
Caribou
