Performed by Candace Lane
How many of you know the story of Rapunzel? The beautiful princess with long blonde hair. Come on now, don’t be shy! Raise your hands. Well, YOU’RE WRONG! You don’t know the half of it. What she has done to her sweet mother. Well, not biologically of course, I did steal her away into a tower but- that’s besides the point. Please, let me explain.
There was a man and his wife that lived in a cottage nearby. Let me tell you! They were awful neighbors! They were always parking their horse and buggy in the most inconvenient places, they were noisy, but the worst part if it all was the pining need to steal from my beautiful garden.
Now, I’ve heard that women could get a little crazy when they’re with a child- but this lady took it to a whole new level. Naturally, when I saw her husband scaling my garden wall with a large portion or my fresh Rapunzel in his hands, I was ENRAGED! However, my doctor told me that I needed to channel healthy ways to cope with my anger. So I conspired a very reasonable and down to earth solution. I let him go home, unharmed in exchange for their unborn baby. Hey! Don’t give me that look! This Rapunzel from my garden was prize wining! The man had agreed to my solution, he got home safe and I’d get his soon to be born baby!
After long awaited months, the wife had her baby. A beautiful baby girl in fact! The man had brought her over, the first time I picked her up. I knew, she was meant to be my child! Her name? It would be Rapunzel. After the plants her real father stole from me.
What I thought would be a blessing soon became a curse. That sweet innocent Rapunzel was not so sweet. Here, I’ll give you a few examples. I had a nice farm that contained of chickens, I was terrified of the chickens. So I let Rapunzel tend to them, I was teaching her about responsibility. When I was in the kitchen, she snuck into my room with a chicken and a rooster. Later that night, I walked into my room and- AHHHH! The chicken was laying on my bed and the rooster was by my feet!
“Rapunzel! Get in here now!” I screamed for her. She came in acting all sweet, hands behind her back slowly lifting up eggs. I begged for her not to but, she swung her arms back and threw the eggs at me! All over my nice pajamas!
For her birthday I bought her paints, when I was sleeping she woke up and painted, “boys have cooties” on my wall. That is when I grounded her! I remembered that I stumbled across a tower one day, and that is where she would live, stuck there. I put Rapunzel in the highest room and locked her in there.
Everyday for years, I would shout, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair so that I can climb the golden stair!” Then I would go up into the tower and bring her food and water. But one day when I was walking to a tower, I heard Rapunzel singing. So did a wondering boy. Each night this boy would bring her a piece of silk to make into a ladder.
I knew what I had to do to keep my baby safe. I went to the tower with a pair of scissors. I climbed up her hair and once I was up there, I cut it off! She yelled for that no good boy to help her. He told her to jump and she did. The boy caught Rapunzel and they ran. To where? Who knows.
Now I’m stuck in this tower, Rapunzel hasn’t brought me any food or water. I just don’t know what went wrong… I was only trying to be a good mother. What did I do, to deserve this? Oh look! There’s the Big Bad Wolf, maybe he could come and blow this house down… Oh Wolfie!
