“When there are friends, there is wealth,” according to a Southern Spanish proverb. How true that is, not only for adults but also for youth.
Young people’s choices, attitudes, and behaviors are often influenced by the friends they surround themselves with. Search Institute asked youth in a national survey if their best friends model responsible behavior, are a good influence in their lives, do well in school, and do not participate in risky behaviors such as underage drinking or drug use. You may be surprised to learn that 60 percent of youth surveyed said they had Developmental Asset 15, Positive Peer Influence in their friendships.
We often think of peer influence as a negative force in a young person’s life. In fact, the good choices friends make can be even more influential than the poor choices. Take a stroll down memory lane and think back to the friends you had as a teenager. Were there some you admired and respected, who were always there in good times and in bad, who believed in you and encouraged you, who modeled compassion, kindness, love and integrity, who simply made you want to reach higher and dream bigger because of their example?
The indelible impressions of those we have admired can in fact impact our lives in far more profound and life changing ways than those negative forces around us.
As young people navigate relationships our hope is that their lives will be filled with individuals who will challenge them to be the very best version of themselves. In reality, youth will likely encounter a mixture of positive and negative relationships.
As adults we cannot shelter youth from the negative experiences as much as we wish we could. In reality these experiences bring with them an incredible opportunity for learning and growth. Before we begin the selection process of friendships for our children we must consider the valuable lessons all young people need to develop healthy relationships as they mature. That is not to say that adults cannot play a role in this growth process.
It is critical that as adults we model healthy friendship skills in our own life by surrounding ourselves with people who value, love, and respect us for our authentic selves. We must be the kind of friend we would like young people to be to others. Most importantly, get to know the friends your child has chosen by providing a welcoming environment in your home. Keep the lines of communication open with your child so that if and when negative peer influences come into their life, they can be assured that you will listen and offer guidance not judgement.
Friendships both positive and negative are valuable to youth as they journey toward adulthood. Help them to understand the differences and to put their energy into those who bring out the very best in them. Teach them to give of themselves and be the kind of friend they would like to have. For friendship in its truest form, is one of the greatest gift we can possibly give each other.
Allison Heidorn is outreach and marketing coordinator for Healthy Aroostook/Drug Free Communities. She can be reached at 207-999-1014.
