I know I have spent a lot of time writing about the Internet, and I apologize to those of you who, for whatever reason, do not use computers for genealogical work. Depending on how you view it, of course, the good news is that there will probably always be some resources that will not be digitized. And it will still be decades before most of the old records make it online, so it is important not to let your “hands-on” detective skills slip. Collecting memories is one of the most critical skills to keep fresh.
I recently received an e-mail about clotheslines, of all things, which made me quite nostalgic. The message pointed out how neighbors knew when babies were born or someone was ill because of the changes in what was on the clothesline. People could tell when neighbors needed help by what showed up on the clothesline. It got me reminiscing about that and more that has passed forever out of our lives.
When Auntie Ann talked about her childhood, I remember the look of mischief that crossed my 80-year-old aunt’s face as she talked about rolling dried peas down a tin roof at unsuspecting pedestrians. And how proud she looked when she told what it was like to be greeted by respectful neighbors as she walked the streets of Meriden with her father every Sunday. I will never forget the afternoons she and I spent as adults, together, making real Italian sausage with my late grandmother’s sausage funnel.
The thing about all these memories is that they could easily have been lost forever. I don’t know if there were family squabbles or just the distance between Maine and Connecticut that estranged us from our Meriden relatives, but I didn’t really get to know that side of the family very well until I began doing genealogy; and it was a laborious process bridging those gaps.
Many of our more distant and unfamiliar relatives may be reluctant at first, to share their memories. They may even feel they have nothing worth sharing. You can get around these obstacles with patience, as I have found. Most people, especially as we age, want to be sure that someone will pass on their story. I believe it is the greatest gift you can give an elderly person, who usually needs little of material value. To know we will be remembered is a treasure beyond price.
If you live near enough to visit, it is the best way. You need to call first to set up the best time to talk, and give them the idea of the kind of information you are hoping to get. I find that asking to look at old photos together is the absolute best way to get the memories flowing. Bring a pad and paper, and if you can, I suggest bringing some sort of machine to record the session; although reluctant at first, most people forget it’s there once they get talking.
Have some specific questions prepared in case they don’t seem to want to talk on their own. Start with the basics, even if you think you know the answers: “How do you spell your full name? I want to be sure I have it right”, “Were you born in ____?”, “Do you know where your parents were born (immigrated? married? etc)”.
Have many questions ready, just in case, but keep a careful eye on the person you are talking with, you want them to want to talk to you again. Do not wear them out with questions, be careful with sensitive subjects, and always keep promises you make to not share information. Sometimes sharing bits and pieces of your own story will help them see what kinds of information you are looking for. Remember it is a sharing not an inquisition. Once you get the basics down (names, dates, places) use open-ended questions, something they can’t answer just “yes” or “no.
Keep in contact even if it seems fruitless. If you are sincerely interested in what your relative, or your relative’s neighbor has to say, this will come through. If you do not collect the memories of a lifetime, who will? We never know the number of days any person has left, go collect your treasures while you still can.
Editor’s note: Nina G. Brawn has lived in the Dover-Foxcroft area for over 50 years and currently lives there with her husband Fred. Nina was the last of 10 children, has three children of her own and nine grandchildren. She can be reached online at ninagbrawn@gmail.com.
