The friendship influence

By Allison Heidorn
    “When there are friends, there is wealth” according to a Southwestern Spanish proverb. How true that is, not only for adults but for youth. Young peoples’ choices, attitudes, and behaviors are often influenced by the friends they surround themselves with. Search Institute asked youth in a national survey if their best friends model responsible behavior, are a good influence on them, do well in school and do not participate in risky behaviors such as underage drinking or drug use. You may be surprised to learn that 60 percent of youth surveyed said they had asset 15, Positive Peer Influence in their lives.
    We often think of peer influence as a negative force in our child’s life. In fact, the good choices friends make can be even more influential than poor choices. Take a stroll down memory lane and think back to the friends you had as a teenager. Were there some you admired and respected, who were always there in good times and bad, and who went to bat for you no matter the situation? For many, these friendships have continued into adulthood and continue to be positive, nurturing and supportive.
    Alongside great friendships there may have been people in your life who were not supportive or who pressured you to participate in risky behaviors. As crazy as it may sound, friendships such as these allowed you the opportunity to explore and learn about the world, yourself, and the people around you. As parents we may try to shield our children from making what we perceive will be poor choices with friends. It is natural to want to protect them from the pain of being made fun of, or unaccepted. Before we begin our selection process we must consider the valuable lessons we may be taking away from them, lessons all young people deserve to explore on their own.
    It may sound as though there is nothing adults can do to guide young people but in fact there is a lot we can do. Most importantly, model healthy friendship skills in your own life. Surround yourself with people who value, love and respect you for who you are. Be the kind of friend you would like your child to be to others as they will model your behavior. Lastly keep the lines of communication open with your child so that if and when negative peer influences come into their life they can openly discuss their concerns with you. Communication, support and modeling positive friendship skills can guide your child toward people who will bring out the best in them.
    Allison Heidorn is an assistant director with Aroostook Substance Abuse Prevention.