Cruising along Interstate 5 making our way from LAX to my mom’s place on the border of Silver Lake and Los Feliz in Los Angeles, mom’s three row tank of a rental is tuned into KRTH, LA’s 80s hits station.
My stepdad’s blonde ponytail bobs to Wang Chung as he weaves in and out of five lanes of traffic. Mom cranks the air conditioning for the kids and asks if it’s too cold. It is and that’s fine. My wife is feeding our newborn and I’m content to be back home watching the graffiti thicken on our way through the city. If you would have told me a couple years back that my mother and I would be talking again I wouldn’t have believed you.
Last week was my family’s second annual visit to see my mom and stepdad in California. I was a terrible child and it wasn’t until I turned 30 that my brain solidified and I felt awake for the first time. I didn’t speak to my mother for more than seven years and only recently have we started to rebuild our relationship.
During our time apart I reached a low point. I was committed after I tried to kill myself, but I was given a gift. That gift is perspective. I began to see the world through new eyes.
It was my kids that brought us back together. My mother continued to reach out through gifts to them for birthdays and holidays. Eventually, my son and daughter wanted to know who thought about them almost as much as I do. Thank goodness for them.
Elliott Archer and grandma together in Los Angeles.
(Joshua Archer)
To get to LA, my wife and I spent a little over six hours in the air with a 2-month old and my two older children who are 6 and 8. Things went surprisingly well, save for the brief layover in Chicago where my infant son decided to throw up on me.
After landing in LA, we took the heat like a punch to the face. We just left crisp northern Maine where the biggest thing on the news was frost on somebody’s windshield and here we’d be living in an oven for the next week. But I told myself I wouldn’t complain because I knew that not long after we got back the snow would begin to fall.
These trips, seeing my mom and watching her bond with my kids, none of it would be possible if it weren’t for my stepdad. He’s the first domino that set all this into motion. He’s the boss. I never gave him the appreciation he deserved when I was a kid. There were some tense moments between us when I was younger and after having kids I totally get it now. Kids are hard.
The worst part about seeing my mom is having to say goodbye. There’s the quiet drive to the airport, the tight hugs and tears before filing into the security line and the final waves of goodbye as we make our way to our gate. I slept the whole way back to Maine. And now I’m sitting in my office looking at a desk covered in medication that’s supposed to make me feel better. Do me a favor and go hug your mom today. I’m going to go call mine and tell her how much I miss her and how happy I am to have her back in my life.
