By Leslie Gervais
February is National Teen Dating Violence and Prevention Awareness Month, and it is critical that we take the time to remember that domestic abuse and violence is not just a problem for adults. One in three adolescents in the U.S. will be a victim of physical, emotional or sexual abuse from a dating partner. Sadly, 80 percent of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser. Two thirds of teens involved in an abusive relationship never tell anyone.
Too many times we hear, “I did not call Hope and Justice Project because my situation didn’t seem bad enough.” Abuse is not just about being assaulted, and Hope and Justice Project advocates are available to talk with anyone about their relationships and troubling or scary things that have happened in them. Young women and men need to be aware of the many types of abuse including cyber-abuse, which is a misuse of technology. It is time to take a stand and shine a light on these issues.
Hope and Justice Project worked with 1,117 people in 2011; 46 were children who stayed in our shelters and 45 were young victims of dating violence. These numbers are staggering and represent too many lives affected by abuse and violence.
Excited by strong feelings and inexperienced with intimate relationships, young people especially (but older adults as well) can have a hard time recognizing abuse in dating relationships. It can be tricky to identify warning signs of abuse. Our partners may do things that look and feel wrong, but often we believe we’ve caused the problem through our own behavior and hope that the things will get better with time and compromise.
If we decide to seek help, fear of not being believed, “getting our partner in trouble,” losing friends, and being stigmatized can get in the way. It is hard to recognize that staying involved with an abusive partner erodes our credibility with friends and family, leads us to engaging in risky behavior, and ruins our chances to do the things we want to do and be close to the people who truly love us. But when our relationships shut our lives down rather than filling us with joy, reaching out for help is essential.
It is important that young people feel loved, safe, supported, and hopeful about the future. As community members, all of us have roles in raising awareness and preventing teen dating violence. Young people watch and learn from the adult relationships the surround them as well as from the relationships with and among their peers, making it essential that we all set a healthy and joyful standard for our family, dating and intimate relationships.
There are many ways we can do this. Take the time to educate yourself and others about teen dating abuse and violence. Learn the signs of abuse and know your resources. Hope and Justice Project staff is always available to listen, process and clarify. Prevention educators are available to all Aroostook County schools during February and throughout the school year to talk about healthy and unhealthy relationships. In Houlton, students will be decorating their school hallways with artwork representing dating violence and creating posters with tips for healthy relationships to give students the tools they need to help themselves or someone they know who is being abused.
On February 7th Governor LePage signed a proclamation declaring February as Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month. These are just few examples of dedication to stop the many acts of violence. Together we can make a difference. Let us be conscious of our ability to help each other live and love with ease.
For more information about abuse, services available, and ways you can help, please visit www.hopeandjusticeproject.org.
Leslie P. Gervais is the Prevention Educator the Hope and Justice Project in Aroostook County. She can be reached at 532-4004 or via e-mail at leslie@hopeandjusticeproject.org
